It’s hard to have your heart in two places. France will always be considered my second home, and in so being, it will continue to hold a piece of my heart. There are few days that go by where I do not think of my time there and the wonderful part of my adventure it was. My heart aches to go back. I want to be in the place where God pushed me to trust Him, pushed me to believe in my dreams again, and pushed me to know who I am in Him. There are so many good memories that I play over and over again in my head. Almost a year has gone by and here I am still suffering withdrawal (of a sort). Here I am wishing that I could have the best of what I have here in Canada and what I had there in France. However, that is a wish that is impossible to be granted. This is what makes me cry sometimes, but this is what also brings me joy.
I am very thankful that I was able to go to France and experience God’s favour there. I am grateful for the many friends I made and for what a support they became. I am glad that God did not agree with my plan while I was there and that He was able to knock my socks off in the way that He provided everything I needed. Yet in the same breath, I am thankful to be home. There have been so many amazing moments that I have lived since coming home. I do not think that I would appreciate all that I have here in Canada and my experiences in France if I had not left France. Sometimes it’s hard to know why we have to leave some things, but we need to, and we need to move on. It’s important to remind myself that I live here, in this moment. I cannot live for the past, since the past is gone and it is not coming back. Nevertheless, I will remember it.
When we are constantly looking back we miss what God has in front of us. God guides us through seasons and some are longer than others, but there is always more, always something to move towards; when there is finally nothing more for us to move towards, we move towards heaven. There are sometimes where I long to go back to France, to the atmosphere I learned to love (and hopefully one day I will go back and visit my beloved France), but I remind myself of the wonderful and amazing people and moments I have here – right now. Every season of my life matters. It’s ok for me to be sad, it’s ok that I miss France. The problem lies where I forget to look forward and enjoy the season I am in and where I am going.
So here’s to looking ahead, focusing my eyes on what God is putting in front of me and living this next season. I am His, He is mine.
“For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.” Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
P.S. the one thing I do not miss about France is all the protests. 😉