This last week I realized something about myself: there are quite a few feelings that have been laying dormant in my subconscious. It took one simple conversation to bring them to the surface and for me to become aware of their effect on my life. Really it reminded me of my kitchen sink.
As I wash my dishes it is inevitable that there will be bits of food that escape down the drain and into the pipes. Some will continue the journey and other bits will sit there. Because they are out of sight, I don’t think about the effects of the food in the drain; however, little by little the bits begin to accumulate and create problems. Suddenly the pieces are no longer little and they make it challenging for water to pass through, causing it to flood the sink. This makes it very challenging to use the sink for its intended purpose. There comes a point where the food in the drain can’t be ignored.
So how does this apply to me? I discovered that I have been carrying hurts. By pushing them down the drain they became forgotten, at least to my conscious self, but they stayed in my subconscious. Over time certain things would trigger these emotions to surface, but I became really good at suppressing them, to the point where I didn’t recognize the affects they had on my life.
“Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose.” (Proverbs 18:21)
So that is a very blunt way of saying things, but I’m noticing how much truth there is to this wisdom. I see how words stick in my heart a lot more easily than actions. The lies that I have been told in my life are hard to forget and if repeated can lead to covering up truth. That is to say, if I say them enough I begin to see the lies as truth and am blind to what the truth really is. When the lies sit in our minds and hearts they begin to poison our perception of the truth. For myself I see how these lies have inadvertently affected my interactions with people.
I know the lies, I recognize them but they continue to resurface. The deceptions continue to accumulate, and they aren’t big. At first they are just annoyances, but as time goes on they begin to have lasting effects on my life. So what needs to happen is this – I need to clean the drain. Clear the pipes so that life (water) can run through me again and I can work, live, and grow the way that I was purposed to.
“Your thoughts are of great worth to me, O God. How many there are! If I could number them, there would be more than the sand. When I awake, I am still with You.” (Psalm 139:17-18)
It is necessary to take this verse to heart. When we start caring about the thoughts of God we see our worth in Him. It is one thing to say these words, but can we act on them? Saying, “God your thoughts mean a lot to me,” and then turning around and saying, “I’m not enough,” is kind of an oxymoron. Be in awe of God’s thoughts and plans for you. He created you. So begin to believe in his thoughts, in his perspective, and his opinion. I know that I struggle with this; nonetheless, I know that I need to stop lying to myself so proficiently. I need to start being better at telling myself the truth. When I view his thoughts as valuable then I begin to realize how worthless the lies are, and I become better at discerning what these lies are.
Now it is time to clean the drain…
“Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.”